BIRTH,
MARRIAGE AND FUNERAL CUSTOMS
IN THE COUNTY OF BENTHEIM
Birth
Until
about 1950, most babies were delivered at home with the assistance of a
midwife. When the mother felt that her time was near, she would call her
two closest neighbor ladies who would stay with her while her husband went
to get the midwife. They would stay as long as necessary, sometimes
overnight.
After
the child was born, it would be dressed and the lower body would be
bundled with a stiff blanket to prevent bowlegs. A tight fitting cap would
be put on the babies' head so the ears would grow nice and close to the
face. The child was nursed whenever it was hungry. After giving birth, the
mother would stay in bed about nine days. Usually her mother would come
and take care of the household.
Baptism
From
the old church ledgers we learn that if it were possible, the children
born during the week would be baptized that Sunday. The mothers would not
attend, being bedridden from giving birth. The next-door neighbor and his
wife would assist the father in getting the baby ready for church. In the
winter, they would carry the child between two down pillows. The neighbor
lady would carry the child from the house, but the father would hold the
child during the baptism. The midwife would also join them in the front of
the church. (Today, children are generally baptized during the first
month). During the following weeks when the mother took up her duties
again, several parties were held in honor of the newborn. The neighbors
would attend one; the relatives from both sides would attend one or two
more. Each participant would give the new mother 20 DM ($10.00 in 1988).
In former days it was a lesser amount.
The
minister who baptized the child was always remembered with a gift from the
new parents. It was not proper for a new mother in those days to leave her
house during the first six weeks after giving birth. It was also proper
that her first outing be a visit to God's house and the minister would
remember in the congregational prayer the "sister who was with great
danger and is again in our midst."
Engagements and Weddings
I
would not dare to say that the parent arranged marriages are still alive,
but I would not dare to say either, they are done and over with. Great
care is taken that for the eldest son, who is in line to inherit the farm
and will live in close contact with his parents, that a compatible partner
is found. The outcome is often that the choice is a distantrelative,
because the groom as well as the family, feel at ease with her.
A
half year before the wedding, an engagement party is held at the bride's
house with the young people of the area, including neighbors, cousins, and
friends. The invited guests give silverware, dishes, and other tokens of
love to the young couple.
As
to the wedding, in former days it was a three-day affair, with a personal
invitation by the next-door neighbor and a preparation (decorating the
house with paper flowers) that involved the whole neighborhood. Today,
printed invitations come through the mail, and the ceremony at the church
and a meal at a restaurant take only half a day. The invited guests give
100 DM ($50.00 in 1988) per couple to the newlyweds.
Before
the ceremony at the church takes place, the couple has to appear in the
city hall to sign their marriage contract before the state officials. In
reality, the wedding vows in the church are only a blessing on the
marriage.
In
former days, a young bride would bring a dowry, provided by her parents.
The mother would see it as her honorable obligation to fill her daughter's
hope chest with linens and clothing, so she would not have to buy anything
for a long time. From then on, it was her duty to pay attention to her
husband and family; her mother saw to it that she was fully prepared for
this task. Today, in 1988, the young girls in the county of Bentheim will
tell you that the best dowry you can have is a nurse's or teacher's
certificate.
Death
Up
to about 1960, almost everyone died at home. After a family member had
departed, the first thing you would do is to call in your next-door
neighbor. No matter who this person was, he was in charge for the
following four days, and he would tell the other neighbors what their
duties were.
The
first thing this person would do is contact the pastor, the bell ringer,
and the gravedigger. If a person had died during the night, the bell would
ring at 9:00 a.m. as many times as the person was old. You could hear it
for miles around. The next of kin would be contacted at once and in the
afternoon, all, including cousins, would come to the home of the departed.
The county nurse and the neighbor ladies had dressed the departed in a
white linen dress and the village carpenter had in the morning prepared a
casket. Seasoned lumber, carefully stored in one of the barns was always
available in the event of death; the relatives and an elder of the church
would come and give a meditation. The people would express their sympathy
and grief and the body would stay in the best room of the house. At night
somebody would watch it at all times. Next, among the neighbors, they
would make up a list of all the friends and relatives in the parish and
outside of it too, who should get a personal invitation to attend the
funeral. When the lists were set up and approved by the family, the
"Death Messengers" went to work. Dressed in pitch-black
clothing, men or women would go through the neighborhood hamlets and
villages from house to house and say, "You're asked to attend the
funeral of the departed so and so, at such and such a time" This was
all, you would not linger. If your list was long, you may accept a cup of
coffee from a real good friend, but otherwise you had to bring the message
and that was it.
The
Funeral
On
the day of the funeral, the next-door neighbor would take over again and
have the farm wagons cleaned and prepared to carry the casket and the next
of kin to the cemetery and the church. Two wagons were used. On the first
wagon were the very closest relatives and the casket; on the second were
the rest of the family and sometimes a close elderly neighbor. Everybody,
young or old, who attended the funeral, would wear pitch-black clothing.
Since the funeral was by invitation, hundreds of people would attend, a
very impressive picture. The two wagons set in motion on the third or
fourth day after the death at about 12 noon. All the neighbors, relatives,
and friends would walk slowly behind the wagons. People along the way
would join the mourners, each taking the proper position dictated by their
relationship with the departed. Passing persons would stop on the street,
lift their caps and remain still until the procession passed them, When
they reached the cemetery, the pastor would say a prayer and the casket
would be lowered into the grave, The hundreds of people in the procession,
.all in black clothing, would then move slowly to the church; the pastor
would have a meditation, and the mourners would sing songs of
resurrection. After the church service, the family members would have
lunch at a nearby restaurant.
The
period of mourning was strictly enforced. For a husband or a wife, one
wore black for three years. For a parent or a child, two years; and for
sisters and brothers, a year. Out of respect for a neighbor you wore black
for six weeks. The body was not embalmed and no makeup was used. No
flowers were present at the funeral. For out of town relatives, black
funeral announcements were printed and sent. Funeral arrangements differed
in each parish.
Cemeteries
From
850 on, when Charlemagne introduced Christianity until 1850, the deceased
in the county were buried around the church buildings. This is why we know
the word churchyard or "Kerkhof'. 'The nobility were buried in a
vault in the church. The idea that the church on earth and the church
triumphant should be close was very much with the people.
Wilhelm
Berge says, in his history of the village of Schuttorf, page thirty-one,
that he estimates that in a thousand year period in the city of Schuttorf
(population 9,325 in 1987), forty thousand people were buried around the
church. A grave was family owned and after 30 years was used again, the
remains of a body having decayed over that period of time.
In
1808, when Napoleon enforced his government restrictions in the county of
Bentheim, several acres in each parish were set aside for cemeteries
outside the city or village limits. For health reasons, the deceased were
buried there. Up to today, the wooden caskets are buried in the loose
earth, and all graves are used again after several decades. |
